I asked someone recently “What is your definition of spirituality?” He said “It’s living the life of a spirit having a physical journey.” I like that.
Do you ever contemplate how we live our lives? I often wonder, if aliens arrived, what would they make of our day-to-day routines? If we were to wipe the slate clean, and forget everything we know, how would we redesign the way we choose to live? And what’s stopping us from moving towards that now?
A couple of weeks ago, a friend observed that I was always talking about my funeral. I stopped to wonder why that is. For a start, I’m a funeral celebrant. Secondly, I like things to be done well. I don’t want to be out there watching and be disappointed. Thirdly, I have a thing about being heard, so I want to have the last word. I want it to be meaning-full. I also want it to be a space for healing, laughter and tears.
But the main reason is because I’m a natural project manager. While life doesn’t always go as planned, it’s good to have an idea of what our destination looks like. If our body was to die tomorrow, could our spirit say “Yeah, I’m at peace with how I spent my time here.”
“E tata mate, e roa taihoa
Death is near, while ‘by and by’ is a long way off”
~ Maori proverb
So, are bucket lists just about things we want to do, and places we want to go? Or are they about what we want to learn, how we want to heal for future generations, and the legacy we leave behind?
Did you know that 80% of us will have advanced warning that our end of life is in view. 20% will not. At that point, only 50% of us will have the capacity to make all the decisions required to put our affairs in order.
Apparently only 10% of people live life consciously. Death and grief have become taboo subjects. We have outsourced them, leaving them in the hands of public health systems and the corporate funeral industry, at great cost to our emotional health and our bank balances. When someone dies, we are often in too much shock, and hand it over to “the experts”. There are very few legalities when it comes to death, so we have more choice than we realise.
It’s time to bring end of life back home where it belongs.
When Dad died two years ago, numbers were limited for funerals. The following week we reverted to unlimited numbers. Dad had wanted to be at home at the end, which wasn’t possible, so we chose to bring his body home after he died. We also chose not to have him embalmed. And we wanted a large venue for the celebration of his wonderful life.
So, we engaged the support of a natural funeral company while he was at home, and a more conventional funeral company for the memorial so we had the space, the online streaming and the catering. It was perfect, allowing people to come to the house, like an old-fashioned wake, bring food, say goodbye to Dad, share stories and come together. After three days, we had the honour of tucking him up in his casket, carrying him past his beloved garden and saying good-bye at the crematorium. We kept his ashes at home for a week before we celebrated his life in a larger setting. Doing it over ten days gave us the space to both grieve and honour his life in a way that wouldn’t have been possible in the “normal” three or four days.
“When the heart weeps for what it has lost,
the spirit laughs for what it has found”
~ Sufi saying
There is a lot to do when someone dies. Preparing in advance provides an opportunity to:
– understand all the options
– make considered choices
– have meaningful conversations so there are no regrets
– create more ease for loved ones
– provide us with the spaciousness to fully grieve, honour and celebrate when the time comes.
If we have the courage to think about our end of life now, maybe it will contribute to the quality of it while we’re here and the legacy we leave behind.
“The art of living well and dying well are one”
~ Epicurus
Image: Grant Haffner – Into the Night, 1978
Additional information
We are only an event away from needing these plans to be in place. How prepared are you?
– Has your life had purpose and meaning?
– What needs to happen to be complete?
– What is your relationship with death? Are you able to think about it with minimal fear?
– Do you have a signed Will?
– Have you specified Power of Attorneys for health and finances in the event that you are unable to make decisions?
– Have you thought about an Advance Healthcare Plan?
– How do you want to be treated by the healthcare system in the event that you can not communicate?
– Have you talked with loved ones/doctor about all/any of the above?
– Have you planned and communicated your wishes re your funeral and what happens to your body?
– Are your papers and documents stored in a place where they will be accessible to those who need them? eg: Will, Power of Attorney docs, Outline of finances, assets/investments, liabilities/bills, insurances, contact details for solicitor, accountant, funeral plans, etc
Contact me if you would like a more in-depth form to help you work through these preparations.. This includes an optional free coffee chat either face to face or via zoom, so I can answer any questions and share different options.
