Working as a celebrant is an incredible honour as we are there for the most special occasions in people’s lives.
Because of this, it is important for us to pause and take a moment to celebrate our roles as celebrants, and we do this through National Celebrants Day, held each year on the 20th of November.
And we are all recognising our roles in different ways. Some members of the celebrant community in different parts of the country are planning to get together to celebrate over a drink and a chat with fellow celebrants, and others will share about their role through their social media platform, or perhaps quietly reflect in private about their job and acknowledge the moments they get to work with couples and families.
I asked our Celebrants Aotearoa members what makes them the best celebrant they can be and/or what they love most about their job. Here’s what some of them told me:
Rachel: Being my authentic self; warmth, relatability, deep listening … learning, laughter, authenticity, professionalism, flexibility, communication, compassion, care and the writing of deeply personal ceremonies alongside the enormous privilege of being involved in people's journeys at these threshold moments in their lives. An opportunity to be present with them as they experience vulnerability and challenges but also show love, joy, courage and resilience.
Anna: There is always room to improve on being the best celebrant I can be, but I strive to continuously improve - so for me, it's seizing every networking, professional development and learning opportunity I can! Largely this is through CANZ colleagues and opportunities, but also research, audiobooks, webinars, research and listening, and research! I love that I get to build and share a connection with diverse people, to help guide and support them. I love embracing the emotion and wrapping every special part of what is ‘them’ into a ceremony that celebrates their unique story.
Marg: Celebrancy is such privileged work and a celebrant needs to be the right fit for a grieving family or an excited couple. The greatest compliment is when asked how long I knew the deceased or the couple - personalising every ceremony is essential to get the essence of who I am representing. No two ceremonies are the same and being able to think on my feet and go with the flow with unanticipated changes or developments. Always listening (mouth in proportion to ears) and even when the client is family or friend, this is their story to tell and not mine so I start with a blank page and not what I already know.
Pinky: It has made me a better person. Many of those attributes - openness, deep listening, observing and anticipating, holding space for others - I have learnt as a celebrant. This has helped me in all other aspects of my life. It’s been a 30 year personal growth session!
Joy: Every wedding or funeral has its own uniqueness. I love hearing what makes people tick, and finding out so many fascinating and precious details. Blows my mind constantly about the people I meet, their talents, creativity, achievements, strength, resilience… Sometimes it feels like digging for treasure. It’s always there if you look hard enough!
Jo: I love the privilege of writing someone’s life story or a couple’s love story.
Denise: I've been a marriage celebrant for 30 years and I continue to love the work. It's all about the people: with weddings, we touch couples' lives at a truly happy time and help them create unique, original ceremonies. Big or small, simple or more complex, but always warm-hearted. With funerals, we stand beside bereaved families as they honour and farewell their loved ones. Navigating ceremonies big and small, simple or more complex, always warm-hearted.
Niki: Being adaptable, being emotionally intelligent and giving opinions to help guide without being too forceful. Giving options to empower, without being overwhelming. Never forgetting how big a deal it is for the people we're helping, and robbing them from the experience if we become complacent.
Sally: What other job matches this work? Such an honour and privilege to meet people in all circumstances from all backgrounds, to walk with them during the most challenging, difficult, amazing and exciting times of their lives. Always with love, care and compassion. He aha te mea nui? Māku e kii atu, he tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata.
Anne: Genuinely caring about my clients, and listening to what they want, and gently guiding them if necessary.
Angela: Listening to what sort of feeling the couple wants you to create (they won’t remember your words) and making it happen for them while still being your authentic self and having fun.
Lianne: Good communication, getting to know the couple, asking how they want their day to be, offering ideas, sharing opportunities for them to incorporate their ideas, liaising until we get the final draft just right and delivering the ceremony with love and sincerity. Being a celebrant is an honour and driving away from every wedding I have the biggest smile. It's fitting that National Celebrant Day is Nov 20th, my parents' wedding anniversary. They gifted our family so much. We all celebrated a total of 63 anniversaries and I bet, now reunited, they are still going strong.
Jennifer: It's such a privilege! Hearing couples' stories and working with them to make their day their own, with their personal touches and authentic moments, no matter the number of guests or location - and keeping my presence during the ceremony as unobtrusive as possible so that the photos and videos are all about the couple and what they want. Ensuring that all requirements are met.
Josie: Taking the time to connect with couples (for weddings), family and other close people (for funerals). Spending however long it takes to hear their stories, and then write them up in a way that truly honours who they are. Being authentic, calm, and holding space. And having fun too! Absolutely love being a celebrant, and after 14 years, I am continuing to learn and improve.
Sam: For me it's about effective communication skills, active listening, authenticity, relatability, personable, promptness and timeliness, establishing early and clear expectations, treating every ceremony as a new adventure, ongoing professional development and most importantly I don't take myself too seriously and use fun and humour as often and appropriately as I can. It's a very long day if you can't have a laugh, especially at yourself. My number one love is delivering on agreed expectations - that's the best feeling in the world for me which keeps me motivated and focused.
Steph: With deep listening, aiming to create a ceremony in harmony with the family's culture and wishes. With funerals I have found that families also appreciate the outlines and tips provided too. Having the confidence to hold the space, do the public speaking required, with warmth and sensitivity. Humility and respect for the grief, and to encourage the laughter and the tears and the release that brings. And, yes. the ability to improvise if needed.
Kathrine: Celebrancy is arguably the oldest profession. Although the role nowadays is often only associated with weddings and funerals, on these and many other occasions, professional celebrants contribute to the depth, understanding, and experience of life milestones. By connecting people, times, meaning, and place, celebrants enhance the health and wellbeing of individuals, families, and society - it's a big job intersecting at critical moments in life.
Marion: It’s the people and the paths of the people that I cross; so blessed!
Linda: Listening. Each client is unique.
Claire: So love hearing couples' stories and discovering how to make their ceremony reflect 'them' so it is uniquely their ceremony.
Anne: He tangata, he tangata, he tangata!
We are so proud of our celebrants and all the hard work they do across Aotearoa New Zealand.
