By Jane Godfrey
I’ve heard some amazing vows in my time; ones that make your spine tingle and your throat tighten – and the vows aren’t even being spoken to me. I’m the celebrant! Heartfelt, authentic expressions of love are always a winner. However, writing vows can also be a bit daunting if putting pen to paper/fingers to the keyboard is not your thing. After hearing nearly 600 sets of vows since 2010, I’ve simmered the main ingredients down to three tasty bites of advice on how to write your vows.
1. Don’t make your vows too long
By keeping them to around 12 lines you don’t run the risk of:
- Telling your whole story (that’s for the celebrant’s bit or in speeches later).
- Getting overwhelmingly emotional and squeaking them out on the day.
- Repeating yourself. You will choose your words carefully and say what is most important if you keep your vows to a limit.
2. Think of a 3 part structure
Acknowledge your past – how did you feel when you first met them/what made you fall in love with them/when did you know they were the one…?
- Be in the present – what do you promise them today? Think of the things that make your relationship great and promise to keep doing them. Key words such as – support, friendship, humour, loyalty, thoughtfulness, passion, adventure…
- Look to your future – what do you look forward to with them? What about your relationship would you never change? What are the dreams and goals for the future that you share?
3. Don’t worry about what anyone else has done before!
Be YOU. Speak from YOUR heart. There is no right or wrong.
- Use the language you always use (there are no prizes for using fancy words). Authentic and heartfelt beats poetic every time (unless poetry is your thing, of course!). If you want to say, “I love the shit out of you babe,” then you go for it.
- Find inspiration from anywhere – your favourite movie, favourite song, favourite book, favourite memory together to get your heart juices flowing.
Then, when you’ve finished writing the first draft of your vows, practice saying them out loud. Are any of the words tricky to say? Have you got the word “and” too many times? Have you thanked them for being the awesome person that they are? Will they feel seen and loved when you speak your vows to them on the day?
After that, sleep on it. Come back to your draft a few days later and what is missing will jump out at you. Trust me, it works every time!
