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Wedding and Civil Union Resources

Wedding and Civil Union

All your wedding and civil union ceremony resources and frequently asked questions, with easy to access links and forms.

Essential resources
BDM - Guide to being a celebrant
Templates
Legal response for 'just the legals' template
Booking form / contract template
BDM
Births, Deaths and Marriages website
Important links
Apply to become an independent celebrant
Interesting reads
Ngātahi - Recent edition
AFCC - Recent magazine
Important Subscriptions
Ngātahi - Monthly newsletter
BDM forms
BDM60 - Notice of intended marriage form
Events
Celebrants Aotearoa host a range of member only events online and across the country
Book your tickets
View event recordings
Need help?

Our support team are here to help, whether it’s a question that’s not covered in our FAQ’s below, something technical, or where to go to find what you need.

Get help here
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I contact for help with wedding and civil union queries?

Contact the Celebrants Aotearoa support team, they are always available to help with any questions you may have and provide any assistance.

Email the support team here

Mel Stuart has assisted the National Executive in crafting a professional response to enquiries that ask for a “just the legals only” ceremony AND state that a friend/family member will deliver their ceremony at the “real wedding.”  

It is also appropriate to use where a Registry ceremony enquiry indicates that a larger event will be held in New Zealand with a non-celebrant taking the ceremony.

Your Wedding Ceremony response

Please email president@celebrantsaotearoa.co.nz or support@celebrantsaotearoa.co.nz with any concerns or queries.

To become a registered independent celebrant you must be registered with BDM.

Apply with BDM to become a registered independent celebrant here.

Note: Only Celebrants Aotearoa celebrants who have attained VCANZ are eligible to perform registry weddings throughout the country.

Confirm with the parties to the marriage that their addresses are entered as fully as possible. It may be that they come from a village or town (for example in a country other than NZ) that does not have street names or numbers. If the parties confirm that the addresses are accurate, then advise BDM in a covering email at the time the Particulars are returned. BDM has advised that it expects the celebrant to check the parties’ addresses.

In August 2018, legislation was passed requiring the consent of a Family Court Judge before a 16 or 17-year-old can marry. 

In the past, 16 and 17-year olds who wished to marry needed parental consent, and this happened around 30 times a year, mostly involving females. The new legislation aims to prevent possible forced marriages, where pressure or abuse is used to coerce someone into a marriage against their will.

For more information, refer to the Ministry of Justice website here.

There is an emerging trend for couples wanting their children (as young as three and four years) to act as witnesses to their marriage.

At present, the BDM website states that children of any age can be a witness, which doesn’t align with the information in BDM’s celebrant guide.

Our advice is that you consider carefully whether or not young children are capable of being witnesses and discuss any concerns with your clients. Please read the detail below:

The information provided as part of the Guide to being a Celebrant says:

“Witnesses must be able to understand what happens at the ceremony. (They should be of sound mind, and should not be intoxicated). Children can be witnesses, but they must be old enough to understand the nature of the ceremony, and must be able to demonstrate that understanding in court if later required to do so.“

However, at present, the BDM website states that children of any age can be witnesses, which, in the rare situation where the only people in attendance will be the celebrant, the couple and two young children, the celebrant could be at risk should the situation go to court and the witnesses be deemed not to have understood the concept of being a witness to a marriage.

We have sought legal advice and been in discussion with BDM, who have agreed to amend their text to read (the change is highlighted in bold below): 

Who can be a witness?

Your two witnesses must understand what’s happening during the ceremony. They must be able to clearly identify both of you and be satisfied you both consent to the marriage.

They:

  • don’t need to have known you for any specific length of time and
  • can be children of any age, so long as they understand the nature of the ceremony and are able to demonstrate that understanding in court if later required to do so.

Again, our advice is to carefully consider whether or not young children are capable of being witnesses and to discuss any concerns with your clients.

An apostille or authentication is an official government certificate that proves the signature, stamp, or seal on a document is genuine.

Apostilles authenticate the seals and signatures of officials on public documents such as birth certificates, court orders, or any other document issued by a public authority, so that they can be recognized in foreign countries that are members of the 1961 Hague Convention Treaty.

The “Use your NZ documents overseas” page on the BDM site lists countries that require an apostille of the marriage certificate. Couples can also call their embassy to ask if it is required. 

Apostille services and translation of the marriage certificate have a cost – View BDM fees here.

Couples are welcome to look elsewhere for an alternative translation service. 

The couple should call BDM directly on 0800 225 252 and then press 4 for Marriages, and press 4 again for enquiries.

It is much simpler if they call BDM before they get married and ask them to do the apostille before they post the marriage certificate out. They will get the couple to pay for that over the phone.

However, couples who already hold their marriage certificate can also call BDM and arrange to have their marriage certificate sent back for the apostille process to happen.

As wedding season approaches, you may find that you receive occasional requests from couples to “just do the paperwork”. This is often asked of celebrants – particularly Registry celebrants – when couples intend for a person who is not a registered marriage celebrant to lead their celebration either at the same time or another time. We hope you find the following points helpful.

Legal components of a marriage ceremony 

Your National Executive recommends that you clearly affirm your legal role whenever you receive such a request. For example, you may say: “As a registered marriage celebrant, I am obliged to oversee – and be seen to lead – all legal components of the marriage ceremony, i.e., the couple saying their legal marriage vows before at least two witnesses and signing the marriage documents.” This response mirrors recent advice from the Registrar-General in Ngātahi: read their advice here.

The exchange of rings and pronouncing the couple married are not legal requirements of a marriage ceremony. However, they would generally be overseen/led by the registered celebrant. Celebrants must decline a request to “just do the paperwork” (otherwise you would be assisting someone in committing the offence of pretending to be a marriage celebrant) and we encourage members to take an educative approach with the public in regard to this issue.

If you accept a booking to co-facilitate a couple’s marriage ceremony, you are encouraged to do the following: 

  • introduce yourself (or be introduced) as a registered marriage celebrant at the start of the ceremony, so there can be no doubt as to your identity and role.
  • ensure that the non-celebrant’s speaking role is limited to non-legal elements of the ceremony: i.e., the welcome and introduction, sharing the couple’ personal story, a blessing, reading or concluding words.
  • clearly delineate the moment you assume your speaking role in the ceremony and oversee the legal marriage vows and paperwork. 

Legal marriage vows 

We recommend that you provide clear instructions to all your couples regarding the words to be used in their legal marriage vows. The Marriage Act requires that each partner says,
“I (AB) take you (CD) to be my legal wife/husband/partner.”

Couples sometimes ask for flexibility and creativity in the words they use for their vows, which is permitted under the Marriage Act. BDM and Celebrants Aotearoa agree that, in respect of the above legal sentence, the content and intent should ideally be kept as similar as possible. For example, the word “choose” could be substituted for “take”; the word “lawful” could replace “legal”.

Again, celebrants are encouraged to educate their couples on the difference between the above legally required sentence and the opportunity to use additional creative personal promises (where nicknames and more lighthearted promises can be included). The latter cannot be substituted for the former. 

You are encouraged to highlight the words of the required legal marriage vows in your Booking Form, Client Information, and/or draft ceremony, to assist your couples’ understanding and ensure they – and you – comply with what the law requires.  

“Fakes and frauds”

On occasion we are made aware of couples hosting celebrations which purport to be marriage ceremonies, when, in legal terms, that is not the case. “Fake weddings” – which may either precede or follow a legal marriage ceremony – are problematic. 

Celebrants Aotearoa encourages members to support their couples to celebrate their love in appropriate, lawful, and creative ways. This includes being open to facilitating a commitment ceremony or affirmation of marriage vows, while also ensuring that guests at such an event are not misled. No registered celebrant should ever pretend to marry a couple who is, in fact, already legally married; no person who is not a registered celebrant can pretend to conduct a marriage ceremony. 

A person who is not registered as a marriage celebrant is liable to prosecution if they purport to enact any part of a marriage ceremony which may only be undertaken by a celebrant. Anyone who assists someone to commit a crime also places themselves at risk of prosecution. This includes, but is not limited to, signing a document during the ceremony or being seen to lead the couple through spoken words which could be mistaken for legal vows. 

BDM does take this matter seriously. Anyone who has concrete evidence of alleged wrongdoing should make a formal complaint to the Registrar-General by emailing: Celebrants@dia.govt.nz.

Template providing legal response

Please see the provided template which gives the basis for a legal and professional response.

You are free to edit this response to suit your requirements and tailor the introduction to your style and situation.

We suggest you copy and paste this content, amending where required, as an email response.

The BDM offices and contact centre will be closed on all New Zealand public holidays.

The specific closure dates can be found on the BDM website here.

Noting that they can only apply 3 working days before their intended date.

Key Information

Registry Ceremonies: These are not available between 25 December and 7 January each year.

Online Services: The website remains available 24/7 for general information and online applications, but these will not be processed until staff return in the new year. 

The Civil Union Act is based on the provisions for marriage but looks different to the Marriage Act to reflect modern legislative drafting styles. Couples that enter into a marriage say vows to each other, whereas civil union couples make statements. Married and de facto couples can adopt a child together, but couples in a civil union may find that the adoption process is still legally complex. The Civil Union Act is also different in content in several ways, the main differences being:

  • the process for appointing and removing celebrants was simplified;
  • the penalties for offences were increased to reflect current penalty regimes;
  • no provision was made for service or proxy civil unions; and
  • the Civil Union Act includes the provisions for couples who are in a marriage to change the form of their relationship to a civil union with each other, and vice versa.

 

View the differences in the wording of the vows here.

There are also differences in applying for the license. The marriage license application process is fully online. The Civil Union licenses application process is still a paper process.

View the licence differences here.

This situation is fine as it is not a legally binding ceremony, but it must be made crystal clear to everyone attending that it’s a commitment ceremony and not a marriage ceremony. If that is done, it is all good. As you know, as a celebrant one cannot “pretend” to marry people, so it must be made very clear in the welcome and wording throughout that it is a “commitment ceremony.”

It is a requirement that individuals wishing to marry declare how their most recent marriage ended, i.e., In death or divorce, and the date is required. If the individual does not know the date of the divorce they can ring the Ministry of Justice on 0800 268 787 to find out. 

View the ‘Notice of Intended Marriage’ form here.

Yes. The Marriage Act Section 29(1) says “A marriage licence shall authorise but not oblige any marriage celebrant to solemnise the marriage to which it relates.”

You may decline to officiate a Registry ceremony, either when first contacted by a couple or after the licence has been issued to you. Reasons for doing so may include: you are unavailable on the requested date, the distance to the requested venue is too far, or the ceremony described by the couple is well outside the scope of a Registry wedding. Communication difficulties may also lead you to legitimately decline, for instance if the couple do not respond to your calls or messages to confirm their plans, or if you feel pressured by what they are “demanding” (e.g. an unreasonable bombardment of text messages). If physically together with a couple and you feel concerned for your personal safety, you can remove yourself from the situation and advise Celebrants Aotearoa and BDM of the situation.

A marriage licence “authorises you (or any other Marriage Celebrant) to solemnise the marriage.” If you have received a licence for a Registry ceremony and you are not available or willing to officiate it, you can refer it to another VCANZ celebrant in your area. BDM and Celebrants Aotearoa encourage celebrants to help find an alternative celebrant, but this is certainly not a requirement. You can forward the licence and Particulars to the couple and let them find an alternative celebrant themselves.

Email: MarriageLicence@dia.govt.nz to ask BDM to re-issue the licence directly to the couple, if you prefer to have no further involvement.

As celebrants, BDM expects us to confirm a couple’s ID before we marry them.

In the case of registry weddings, couples are asked to bring their ID to the ceremony in order for you to confirm prior to the ceremony that they are in fact who they are, as stated on the license – as you have not met them previously. Appropriate forms of photo I.D. are a current passport and/or driver’s license.

“Please note, with regard to ID verification, where an out-of-date ID or alternative forms of ID offered,you, as the marriage celebrant, need to be satisfied that the couple before you are the same people named on the marriage licence. The couple is required to provide proof of identity, and BDM trusts registry celebrants to exercise their professional judgement when checking the couple’s ID. You may need to use your discretion, as people can have a variety of types of identification. If you are not satisfied that the couple before you are those named on the marriage licence you may need to postpone the marriage.”

For weddings, other than registry weddings, you still need to be confident that the marriage license issued is for the couple you are marrying. Easier if you have met and corresponded several times. You may ask to see photo ID; you may know the couple; or you may have checked to see that they have a Facebook account, for example. For local couples, this is not an issue. It can be done at any stage prior to the ceremony taking place: at an interview or at the rehearsal. 

In any situation where you are not meeting the couple beforehand (they are from out of town or overseas) then you can check photo ID either at the rehearsal the day before or, if not, at the rehearsal prior to the wedding.

Clear communication

Couples need to be informed that you will view their ID prior to the ceremony and that this is non-negotiable. They need to be diplomatically informed that the wedding cannot proceed without their ID being viewed, and to ensure they have a form of photo ID with them on the day.

You might encounter some common questions from couples when they are entering information into the form. 

Please check out the FAQs to see if you can find the answer you are looking for. If it is not there, you can phone BDM on 0800 225 252 for assistance with your enquiry. 

Do let us know your questions too by emailing support@celebrantsaotearoa.co.nz. 

We are always happy to find out the answer and post the questions and answers here on the FAQs page.

An apostille.

View the countries that are participants of the Apostille Convention (Hague Treaty Convention 12) here.

Names are so personal that mispronouncing them can be embarrassing for all parties. If marrying a couple whose full names are difficult to pronounce, can the couple say their full names during their “I AB take you CD….” and introduce them by their first names?

Answer: The Marriage Act defines the legal sentence of marriage as, “I AB take you CD to my legal wife or husband”; this refers to the first and last names for both parties. In recent years, BDM have clarified that as long as the celebrant says the full name of both parties at the start, the couple can just say their first names in that legal sentence of marriage. If however, the parties have names that are tricky for the celebrant to pronounce correctly, using their full names in the introduction can be at the celebrant’s discretion, and first names could be used. In that case, however, BOTH PARTIES MUST SAY THEIR FULL NAMES themselves in the legal sentence of marriage. They do not need to repeat them after the celebrant; it would be sufficient for the celebrant to prompt the parties to insert their spoken full names in the appropriate pause.

See the Marriage Act legislation here.

31 Place and Form of marriage before marriage celebrant

(1)   Every marriage solemnised by a marriage celebrant shall be solemnised at a place described in the marriage licence issued in respect of that marriage.  

(2)   Subject to subsection (3), every such marriage shall take place between the persons named in the licence according to such form and ceremony as they may think fit to adopt, and shall be solemnised in the presence of a marriage celebrant and 2 or more witnesses.
(3)   During the solemnisation of every such marriage each party must say to the other—

(a) “I AB, take you CD, to be my legal wife or husband”; or
(b) words to similar effect

If you are in areas of NZ where your couple currently cannot be married before the licence expires, this is the information you need to share with them, from BDM:

If you wish to cancel your licence you may do so and apply for a refund. You will need to write to the Registrar-General with the full names of both parties to the marriage, the reason for the refund, and the contact details of both parties, including residential and postal addresses.

Please email a refund request to: ISBDMMaintenanceTeam@dia.govt.nz

Independent celebrants cannot decline same-sex couples, as that would be a breach of their human rights. It’s only organisational celebrants that are provided with a means to decline, and you can find that in the legislation here.

View the legislation – s29(2) – here.

If an independent celebrant declines to officiate a couple’s marriage on the basis of their being a same-sex couple, the couple have the right to complain to BDM through their complaints process and/or the Human Rights tribunal.

BDM’s response (13.1.2024) Section 29(2) “… no celebrant who is a minister of religion recognised by a religious body enumerated in Schedule 1, and no celebrant who is a person nominated to solemnise marriages by an approved organisation, is obliged to solemnise a marriage if solemnising that marriage would contravene the religious beliefs of the religious body or the religious beliefs or philosophical or humanitarian convictions of the approved organisation.” 

View the legislation here.

Organisational celebrants listed in the Gazette under the church itself can decline to marry same-sex couples as per above, but independent celebrants cannot discriminate in that way.

The problem for the church is that Section 29(2) refers only to an organisational “celebrant”. The Marriage Act does not provide for the owner or manager of a building to be able to discriminate against couples’ human rights, even if the building is owned by a religions body or approved organisation.

In response to member requests, the National Executive has created a ‘Booking Information for your marriage ceremony’ document for Celebrants Aotearoa marriage celebrants to use when engaging a couple.

Download the editable CANZ booking form template here.

Please note: This is a ‘generic’ template Word document that you can edit from a ‘Marriage Ceremony’ to a ‘Civil Union Ceremony’ if required. You will see there are several fields for you to complete, and you can insert your logo or the Celebrants Aotearoa logo in the main heading. All the fields highlighted in red will need to change to black once you have edited the document.

Please note also that we have included the term ‘non-refundable deposit’, which means you have the right to keep it, should your couple cancel.

Please see the legal response template which provides the basis for a legal and professional response.

You are free to edit this response to suit your requirements and tailor the introduction to your style and situation.

We suggest you copy and paste this content, amending where required, as an email response:

Legal response – template:

Dear [names],

Congratulations on your decision to be married, and thank you for your enquiry regarding my professional celebrant services. 

New Zealand law requires that a registered marriage celebrant is responsible for overseeing the exchange of your legal marriage vows and signing the legal marriage documents. I conduct both Registry marriage ceremonies (with a generic fixed script and legal vows) and personal ceremonies (with a detailed bespoke script, legal vows, and your personal promises). 

The Registrar-General and Celebrants Aotearoa understand that many couples do want friends or family members to have a role in their marriage ceremony. This is certainly possible under New Zealand law. However, a wedding ceremony must be officiated by a registered marriage celebrant who is legally responsible for overseeing the introduction to the ceremony, the legal vows, and the affixing of signatures on the marriage paperwork. It is the celebrant’s responsibility to confirm to all those attending the ceremony that they are present for that purpose.

 You must say these words in your ceremony: ‘I … take you… to be my … legal <<husband/wife/partner>>”. 

You can add other personal promises. It is my role to ensure this legal requirement is complied with.

The Registrar-General of Births, Deaths, and Marriages is also clear that it is unlawful for anyone to “pretend” to be a marriage celebrant or conduct a ceremony that pretends to be a marriage ceremony.  In other words, if you were to have a registry ceremony in advance, with me or any other Registry celebrant, a non-celebrant friend or family member leading a ceremony for you must explicitly state to everyone present that you are already legally married and that they are only taking your vow renewal or commitment ceremony. 

I appreciate that you want to include a friend or family member – who is not a New Zealand registered celebrant – in a personal celebration. However, I am not willing to conduct a Registry ceremony for you, knowing that at your larger celebration, your guests will not be told that you are already married or that the person taking the ceremony is not in fact a celebrant.  

However, in using my services as a celebrant to officiate your ceremony, you will be assured of a professional service. Friends or family members can welcome your guests, tell your love story, or deliver a reading or blessing; and I can solemnise your marriage. I would be happy to discuss how we could make this work for you. Please understand that this service would incur my normal fee for a personalised ceremony.  

Warm regards

<<insert signature>>

New Zealand government appointed Registry celebrant
Member of Celebrants Aotearoa New Zealand
Te Kāhui Ārahi Ritenga o Aotearoa
www.celebrantsaotearoa.co.nz
Linked In | Celebrants Aotearoa New Zealand

Instagram | CANZ NZ
Facebook | Celebrants Aotearoa New Zealand
Enriching Celebrants – Enriching Aotearoa New Zealand

As a celebrant, you can refer to section 29(1) of the Marriage Act that says “A marriage licence shall authorise but not oblige any marriage celebrant to solemnise the marriage to which it relates.”

Depending on the circumstances, you may wish to take the party aside and make sure they still want to proceed i.e. that they are voluntarily consenting to getting married. If you (the celebrant) are not comfortable performing the ceremony (aside from human rights issues), you (the celebrant) could suggest that the marriage be postponed or rescheduled. As you know, the couple has 3 months within the validity of the licence to get married, so postponing would give the parties some breathing space. This requires careful negotiation with the parties involved, but it does give leeway in this situation.

This FAQ has been developed further to an issue raised by a member. Our follow-up was to consult with BDM and, further to this, we have established a process which allows celebrants to express their concerns/issues in these rare situations by establishing an email record of events. 

Are you concerned about any interactions you have had with wedding clients?

Have you had an encounter with wedding clients that has caused you any concern? For example:

  • In their communications with you, non-attendance on the scheduled day/time, or
  • You suspect they may complain about an aspect of your provision of service to them

You are welcome to let BDM know of any concerns/issues you have experienced. Please outline what happened and any actions taken by you by emailing: CelebrantFeedback@dia.govt.nz.

This will be held on file and can be referred to by BDM in the unlikely event of a complaint. In the subject line, please state, “Potential complaint from <<both parties names>>”  and keep a copy of this for your own records.

Your personal safety always comes first, and this applies regardless of the ceremony type. There is no expectation from BDM that you should ever put your safety at risk over a marriage ceremony; and no justifiable reason why a celebrant would do so. You should never ever place yourself at risk in any form whatsoever; and if your personal safety is at risk, you should remove yourself safely and immediately call the police.

Keeping yourself safe

To keep yourself safe, check out the Health and Safety guide and tips here.

 You will find these sections helpful:

  • What should I be doing to look after my own health and safety?
  • Personal safety when performing ceremonies.

As a member you are able to use the Celebrants Aotearoa logo on digital and printed documents.

Download the logo below:

They can also be found in the Member Hub under member resources.

VCANZ Logo

Celebrants Aotearoa validated members may use the initials VCANZ after their name on their Celebrants Aotearoa website listings and your profile will change from blue to green.

VCANZ members appear before non-VCANZ members when people search the Find your Celebrant listings on the Celebrants Aotearoa website. 

You may also use the VCANZ logo on your website and any other marketing material.

The VCANZ logo is provided upon successful completion of VCANZ.